Our Call As Parents, Part Two- Fathers Do Not Provoke Your Children
The Bible says “Fathers do not provoke your children to anger”, but does this mean that our kids will never get mad at us? Of course not! Each child is different, and we should take the time to learn effective ways to correct not only their behaviours, but also our own.
Fathers Do Not Provoke Your Children To Anger
Ephesians 6:1 and 4 says,
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ . . . Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:1,4
We haven’t discussed methods to correct our children’s behaviour and I’m not going to share my ideas on the right and wrong way to do so. Instead, I want to focus on verse 4, which I believe can be applied to fathers, mothers, and other caregivers.
We are not to provoke our children to anger. Rather, we are to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Now, does this mean our children will never become angry with us when we are doing what we should or that we should avoid making them angry even if it means letting them get away with harmful or sinful behaviour? Definitely not.
But we must find the most effective way to correct each child, one that doesn’t simply become a power struggle and make the situation worse.
Know Your Children
For example, my second born needed his alone time, long before either he or I realized it. It turns out that sending him to his room if he acted badly, which was a rare occurrence, was actually exactly what he needed for many reasons.
I encourage you to take the time to truly get to know each of your children. What works well for one may not work at all for another.
Truth be told, we often punish our children because they don’t do exactly what we want them to do when we want them to do it. There are any number of reasons for this that don’t indicate true defiance on the part of our sons and daughters.
Recognizing Defiance
Perhaps we are expecting more of them than is reasonable for their age.
Perhaps we are feeling pressured for our children to live up to someone else’s expectations, even if those expectations are unreasonable.
Perhaps our children are tired or sick, which makes it harder for all of us to do what we should.
Perhaps they are struggling with an issue we’re unaware of and it is affecting how they behave.
These and other reasons don’t mean we shouldn’t seek to teach our children to live lives that honour God and bless others, but it does mean we should take the time to find out what’s going on in their lives and what is typical for children at each stage.
Examine Our Own Behaviours
We must also examine ourselves. Perhaps there is a reason that has more to do with us than them that their behaviour is annoying us. Did we have a difficult day at work? Are there tensions between us and another individual that is affecting how we interact with our children? Are we getting enough rest and physical activity?
I wish I had developed a checklist of questions before lashing out in anger at my three when they were growing up.
While we ought to be careful not to provoke our children to anger, as I said, this doesn’t mean we are not to guide and correct them. In fact, that is one of the most important things we, as parents and caregivers, can do for them. But what standards should we use? Everyone has an opinion on the subject.
Study God’s Word
Let’s look to God’s Word instead. Let’s re-read the last part of Ephesians 6:4. It says,
“Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:4
We must diligently study God’s Word to see what is most important to Him. As we compile a list of qualities and behaviours that honour God, we can use this to guide us as we interact with our children. Notice that I included qualities as well as behaviours.
We cannot simply force our children to comply with a lengthy list of rules. At some point, they will rebel unless the motivation to do the right thing comes from within. And only God can change their hearts and motives. Only He can change ours.
We must seek to use God’s Word as our standard. We must seek to journey with our children along the path of faith. And we must trust God to do the work in each of us that only He can.
How have you parented your children? Do you believe the Bible gives sound advice about our children? Contact us at HopeStreamRadio
Steph Nickel
Steph is a freelance writer and editor. She is the coauthor of Paralympian Deb Willows’ award-winning memoir, Living Beyond My Circumstances, published by Castle Quay Books. Deb and Steph are working on a follow-up book.
Steph Beth Nickel is eclectically interested and eclectically involved. In all she does, Steph seeks to nurture and inspire. She is currently working on the first book in a nonfiction series. Nurture and Inspire LOVE is a compilation of the first devotionals she wrote for HopeStreamRadio.
You can visit her website, stephbethnickel.com, to learn more about her.
Visit Steph’s contributor’s page or at Steph Nickel’s Eclectic Interests.
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